Among wealthy Americans during the Gilded Age, becoming engaged was often a significant social and family event. Courtship followed established rules of etiquette, and a young man who wished to marry was generally expected to show he had a respectable family, was financially situated, and had solid social standing. The approval of the womanโs parents was important among wealthy families because marriage could affect the familyโs fortune, reputations, and position in society.
Love was certainly considered desirable, but marriages among the wealthy could also serve important practical purposes. Families might seek a spouse with a compatible social background, wealth, education, family connections, or desirable business and political relationships. For families with newly acquired fortunes, marriage could also provide greater acceptance among established society. The Vanderbilts, for example, became enormously wealthy during the nineteenth century but initially faced resistance from older New York families who considered them โnew money.โ Marriage could help strengthen a familyโs position within elite circles.
For young women, marriage was closely connected to financial security and social status. Wealthy heiresses could bring substantial inheritances or dowries to a marriage, making them attractive to men who wanted access to American fortunes. This became especially important in marriages between American heiresses and European aristocrats. Jennie Jerome's 1874 engagement to Lord Randolph Churchill and Consuelo Vanderbilt's 1895 marriage to the Duke of Marlborough are famous examples. In these marriages, American wealth could be exchanged for aristocratic titles and social prestige.
Once an engagement was accepted, it would normally be announced to family, friends, and the wider social community. For prominent families, engagement announcements could appear in newspapers. The couple would then begin preparing for the wedding, while their families might address financial matters. Etiquette was taken seriously among elite society, with contemporary guides prescribing appropriate behavior, correspondence, dress, and social conduct.
Lawyers became particularly important when substantial property was involved. Wealthy families could negotiate a marriage settlement, sometimes called an antenuptial agreement, before the wedding. These agreements could establish how the bride's inheritance, dowry, trusts, income, and other property would be handled. They could also provide financial arrangements for the husband, wife, and future children. The purpose was often to protect family wealth and establish precisely what each spouse would receive.
During this time, the engagement itself could also be considered a legal contract, without a signed document. The legal significance was in the agreement from the lady and could be determined based on the coupleโs behavior with one another, statements from friends and acquaintances, and correspondence. If the man or woman subsequently refused to marry, the other person could potentially bring a โbreach of promise to marryโ lawsuit against the other. These cases were especially common in the nineteenth century and continued into the early twentieth century.
Thus, among the Gilded Age elite, an engagement would not be entered into lightly. It could mark the beginning of a complicated process involving romance, family approval, social expectations, financial negotiations, and legal arrangements. The proposal might begin with the couple, but the marriage could ultimately involve both families, their advisers, and their attorneys.
